Every moment with him was so wonderfully ecstatic I would wish for it never to end, and so exquisitely painful I would want to die. I had to juggle the two sides of my relationship with him - the sexual and the platonic - and only let one of them out at night.Every night, since I was about twelve, my last words before I fell asleep were "I love you, Andrew," as if, somehow, he could hear, and reciprocate. It was all I ever wished for.***So when he told me his secret, I couldn't tell him mine. I was supportive. We stayed up, and we talked, and we hugged. I held back and held back and held back, until I actually started to feel dizzy. We hadn't held each other like this since my confession, and I was going insane just keeping myself from crying. Because I knew then that I could never have him. Ever.He'd explained to me that he was going to go all the way; take hormones, have voice lessons, electrolysis, the whole lot. He was, he said, going to have surgery.For a moment I'd entertained. Waise bi tv dekh k woh pura kadak tha…unke pakadne k baad to sukun sa mila…phr woh choop chaap sorry bolte hue dusre kamre main chali gai.Main itne main bahoot khush tha.Main tv wale kamre ki sone ki tayari krne laga…sath main apna hila bi raha tha…itne main wo wapas aai aur kha ki bache dono soh gye hai…kal school bi h unki…main unko uthana nhi chahti…so tmre saath so rhi hu.Hm sone chale gye as usual.Mainra pura khada tha…barsaat ka timain tha…to mainne chadar odh li…aur dhere dhere hilata rha nearly 30 min.Jub mainne dekha ki aunty soh gai h…mainne unke gaal pe haath phera…phir pait pe then taango pe…muje bhot maja aa rha tha…mainne unke lips…hips puri body k aise hi 5 min tak kia and then apna land nikala aur unke hath main raq dia and apne hath se daba dia…main bas hila na saka ki dhar tha ki khai jag na jaye…bas paka k raqa.Main thak gya…bas socha ki nikal lu…unka hath alag kia and chulu ho gya nikalne pant k andar.Itne main wo mud gai…Main ghabra gya and wahi rukh gya aur ankh.
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