"Well, yes. But, think about it. Christ, Ryan, I was thirteen--do you think I came up with that one all by myself?"Light dawned. "Your mother told you to go to bed with me?" Ryan gasped."Yes. 'You don't keep a man around unless you spread your legs.' And that's a quote. We can start there and go on--but I really didn't see how badly my mother warped me until I got away from her." She took a breath. "This isn't an excuse, mind you, it's a reason. There's no excuse for the way I treated you. And for that I'm truly sorry."Ryan took a breath. "I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that your mother told you to sleep with me when you were thirteen." That's Mom for you. But it didn't help things between us, either. You know, it might have been easier if you were brutal." Excuse me?" Ryan said."I went to bed with you thinking it was a duty. I was a sperm receptacle. And you were so damn gentle. It fucked me up. Not your fault, of course. But I think that's why I was the way I was. Her version may be slightly different. True story. It hit me out of the blue. I hadn’t seen it coming at all. One minute I am having a beer with friends, the next I am head over heels in love with a woman I had never even met. I didn’t believe in love at first sight till it happened to me. She walked behind my perch at the bar and it was like an invisible magnet spun me around and I saw her. It felt as if there was something inside of me that recognized her. Her long blonde hair was bouncing as she walked by and that wasn’t the only thing that was bouncing. Wow! Look at those tits. Of course, she didn’t notice me at all. I turned to my friends and said, ‘I’m gonna marry that girl.’ And got back the expected responses. ‘Yeah, right!’ ‘Bull shit’ ‘Way out of your league you loser.’ The funny thing is, I didn’t want to go out at all. I had sworn off women after a nightmare of a break-up with a woman who really made me consider, for the first time in my life, whether or not life was.
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