I went to bed and said a prayer for the two girls and for me. Having someone with me had been good. This was now a lonely world.I woke early, cleaned up, dressed and went outside. I heard nothing. There were no vehicle noises or any other noise that sounded of living people. I carried out my few things that I had taken from the jeep, repacked, and left the motel.I went to the first dealer and found another RV. It was a different brand but similar to the other RV. I used the equipment there to mount the radios and generally ready it for the road. I loaded my clothes and left the jeep. My first stop was to fill the tanks with gas. Water was available at the RV dealership and I filled that tank. I was ready for the road again. I still needed a laptop and food along with linens and a few other things. I found a place to hide out as best as you can hide with a thirty-foot plus RV. I used the time to make a list for "shopping."I slowly moved off watching for any people and looking for a. Not out of control exactly but nearly. I scared myself, I guess. And afterwards – well, I just felt awful.”“It sound like you did exactly the right thing, then. Sometimes I think that tops need a safe word too.”“I didn’t mean to upset Lionel, it really wasn’t his fault. It was just that I was rougher than I ever thought I could be. And, well,...”“And...”“Well, I made use of him. Grabbed him and just, well, used his face. He must have been shocked.”“Possibly. But I suspect that he was as excited by it as you were at the time. Probably more.”“And now I don’t know what to do. I promised you I would treat Lionel fairly but if I feel like that over something so simple, well, I don’t know if I can carry on, or even if I should. And, I suppose, I surprised myself. I could never have thought that I would get pleasure out of something like that, of having him helpless and sobbing from being punished by me. Even if he did deserve it, should I have enjoyed it?”“I’m not sure if it’s a question.
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