I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage, the nods to people he knew and worked with, and the scurry of preparing his room and meeting his neighbors. The way it reads at the moment, he might be arriving on campus for his second year of college. Once you got past the slightly awkward opening, though, the story arc took shape in a well-defined progression of events that made life on the spaceship reasonable and believable if the reader is capable of believing science fiction at all. Some readers aren’t, you know.”“I’ve met a few,” I nodded.“Now the character arc is a bit uneven. First of all,. I got between her thighs and spread them wide. I let my nose follow her sex perfume to its source inside her slit. I gently spread her pussy lips and kissed the wet, crimson inner surfaces of her labia. I started running the tip of my tongue up and down her gash. I tried to find ways to stimulate her clitoris without directly touching her sex pearl with my tongue. Her hips squirmed, her fingers tangled in my hair, and she pulled my mouth hard against her drooling pussy.“Stop teasing me and lick me. Lick my clit now!” Connie demanded in a husky voice.Her tone was so full of need and torment that I couldn’t keep teasing her, so I began lightly touching her clitoris with the tip of my tongue. I started experimenting with different kinds of licks, but I made sure there was always contact between my tongue and her button in every lick.I finally settled on licking her clit directly with fast, short licks. My tongue flicked over her pleasure bud coming up under it, dragging across the head,.
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