“I will!”September 5, 1988, Chicago, Illinois“So what are you going to do?” Jessica asked as Kara and I walked her to work.“I don’t know yet,” I said. “I told Melody that I’d meet her for breakfast and we’d take it from there. No promises.”“You’re really struggling with this one, aren’t you?” Kara observed.“Yes. It’s complicated, I guess. I know I say that about a lot of things, but I’m trying to figure out the right balance. I told you what Jolene said yesterday.”Kara giggled, “I still say you should have thrown her down on the mat and relieved her of her frustration in the way you do best!”“I know you’re teasing, Kara,” Jessica said. “I think Steve made the right decision. These are complicated relationships and he has to see them regularly at the dojo, and with Melody, also at the house because she’s one of Stephanie’s friends. It’s different with that girl up in Milwaukee. He’s not going to travel up there just to see her, and he’s not going to invent work that he’d have to bill. I need something that I can hold over you."I started to say something but she held up a hand and said, "Listen to what I have to say and then you can talk. You say that watching me is your favorite fantasy, but you have never done it. What if I do it and you find out its not what you thought it would be? What if instead of being a big turn on it is a bigger turn off? What if after it's done you start looking at me like I'm some kind of whore because only a whore or a slut would do something like that. I can all ready tell you if I do it once I'll do it again."If you had brought this up in our first year of marriage I'd have been doing it for the last ten years. I liked what I was doing before I met you and the only reason I stopped was because I loved you and wanted you and I didn't think you wanted a slut for a wife. I've been faithful these last ten years because I love you and I wasn't going to do anything that would cause me to lose you and I'm not going to start taking chances.
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