" She started to feellike she was suffocating. She started hyperventilating. He went intothe kitchen and got a paper bag."Breathe into this, deep breaths, if you can," he said, holding the bagto her mouth and cupping the end. "Come on...calm down....it can't bethat bad. You're not dying, are you? It's not cancer, is it?" Sheshook her head. "Then what could be so bad?"Esme took the bag from her face. "It's the same condition." He stilldidn't look like he was getting it. "I have it too. Late Onset AndrogenInsensitivity Syndrome..."He repeated the words back to her, slowly. "Explain it again." Shecouldn't read his thoughts.She took another deep breath and pulled her legs to her chest."Basically, there are people whose bodies can't process androgens liketestosterone." He just kept staring at her. She felt like he wasburning a hole through her. "Most of the time it's distinguishable frombirth, you're always born with it....but, in rare cases, it doesn'tmanifest until they. " and his Mom saying, "Sue, what do you think," and he heard his niece say, "That's malignant glee. She's gonna start screaming."The voice wails, "I am gone."There's a memory of when he'd first gotten to sing with the adult choir, when he was thirteen. His mom sat next to him looking happy. His Dad was at the piano, starting the choir in on an anthem called, "What Sweeter Music".The voice wails, "I am gone."There's a memory of himself. He has to laugh. There he is in the back of the canoe, his two amazingly young boys clutching the sides, their faces twisted with fear and excitement, his wife in the front paddling and shouting helpful instructions, there's the roar of the highway overhead and there in the creek, bouncing and shaking the canoe for all he's worth, grinning, is Steve. He hears himself shout, "I'm getting out. I'll tow us!" He watches himself step out, the creek is only knee deep, the flow is not so much fast as steady, splashing about his knees. He watches himself grab.
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