You should look at me and want to kiss me. To stroke my hair back and let me kneel before you. I wanted to be ready to serve you, caress your body, touch it and give myself to you. But you just sent me this link and said that I no longer have to decide how to dress for you.When I was later at home, I lay awake in bed for a long time. You couldn't have been serious, could you? You don't really expect me to spend so much money on something I don't like myself. I stared at the picture again. Trying to imagine what I would look like in that shiny mask. Probably I would not be recognized at all. I would no longer be a woman you would desire. I would be an object that is only there to serve your lust. The thought triggered something in me. I could not yet clearly define what it was. It took a few days before I could bring myself to really buy the mask. I still felt uncomfortable spending so much money at once. I was afraid that I would not like the mask. Actually, I was very sure of it.. I could smell the stench ofpetrol.I woke up suddenly, screaming.For a few seconds I didn't know where I was.Then I remembered.I looked down at myself. I had flung my bed clothes off and was just inmy nightie and it was wet and clammy.I got up shakily and went over to the window.It was light outside, the sun was just peeping over the horizon. I hadforgotten to pull the curtains across last night.It all came flooding back. My Mum and Dad dying in that terriblenightmare of a crash.Me, all alone in the world with no one to turn to.I felt my eyes water as I once again relived those terrible momentswhen I lost my loved ones.I looked out of the window again and in the reflection of the glass, Iimagined seeing my Mum and Dad smiling and waving to me.I could have imagined it but I thought I heard my Mums voice whisperingto me. 'Stand tall, honey, we love you always.'I felt a bit better then. I was sure that my parents were looking outfor me on the other side. They wouldn't want me to give.
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