Everyone cheered as she blew out the candles on her cake. Turning fifty held little symbolic importance as her hand touched an empty abdomen that should have a growing baby inside.It was close to six weeks since Karen had her miscarriage. Physically she was healing but not mentally.She’d been brilliant, masking her mounting depression from her family and friends. A smile here, a friendly comment there, kept her family from knowing what was taking place inside her mind. She acted as if she’d never been pregnant. Slowly she was losing control of her sanity and sinking deeper into despair. The clearest and sunniest of warm days felt clouded over, damp and cold to her.In her twisted mind, she knew Dan would never forgive her for losing their baby and never spoke about her thoughts to him. She felt worthless and had to satisfy the growing need to punish herself.Since her miscarriage, Karen hadn’t slept in the same bed with Dan or had sex with him. She no longer looked her usual beautiful. The other reason is that my 'femme persona' was a littleyounger than me. A young teenager, 14ish - flirty, silly, gossipy. Notmuch upstairs, and obsessed with being cute. I can fake being a biologist,caring about American Idol, even liking my former boss, but nobody wouldbelieve on sight that I was 14. Or a girl.Nevertheless, my femme side is what it is, so I was dressed for that age.In something rare for me, I was wearing only clothing and accessories madefor the opposite sex. For those not interested in extreme clothing detail,please skip ahead. Starting from the inside out, I had on a green thongthat said 'PREP' on the front in pink capital letters, and a cotton candypink bra on. Some people are surprised that I don't go for the ultra-feminine apparel, but girls don't spend all their time in skirts either.Thus, I had on a pair of camouflage-pattern capri pants with ties at thebottom of the legs and the waist. They were exploding with bronze pocketsand jangling zippers. The top two.
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