I mean really proud of you!’ He had to slow down. He was getting emotional, ‘I don’t know what love is. Does anyone? But I knew then I wanted to keep you in my life. Does that make any sense?’ Susan only nodded. She was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He went on, ‘Then you made up your mind to skip out. You hated me, and rightfully so. I knew then, if I couldn’t have you, I could try to protect you. I know there are some men who’d want to kill you if they couldn’t have you, but not me. I wanted to fix things. You know, make it right.’ He knew he was running out of ways to say what he meant, ‘Look I tried. See. I bought them off. That didn’t work. So I bought them off again. That’s where it stands now. If that doesn’t say anything about me then that’s OK. You see you’re free now. You don’t need me. You don’t need anybody. Not now. Not ever. You go on and have a good life. Find a good guy and marry him. Raise the child inside you with the right kind of guy. You don’t need. I would turn down their offer but still pose for him and even mail out more photos. Photos were being published and used without our knowledge with all sorts of articles written to accompany the pictures. Our address got published and I was getting all sorts of letters from "fans", hell let's call them what they were horny guys wanting to get laid. I sold my soiled underwear, bras, public hair, even made custom videos and photos to order. Like a d**g addict I needed more to get that thrill. I started enjoying public nudity in several ways. I would be naked when riding in the car or sunbathing on public beaches or swimming in motel swimming pools. I was becoming something I wasn't. I never wanted to be the slut I was becoming not that I had ever slept with another guy besides my husband; but I knew after being in more than 125 magazine publications and being lusted after by hundreds of thousands of guys that I truly felt like a slut. I felt guilty and ashamed. This helped lead to my.
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