He gave special care tothe noise, making it as magnificently long as the block of woodpermitted, for males in the superior land valued a big proboscisbecause it allowed them to appear quite grand whenever they looked downtheir noses at lesser beings, which was fairly often.Indeed, a long snoot was considered essential for sniffing at sulfurouswine and moldy cheese, and at aged pheasants and peasants, as well asfor finding truffles, and - it goes without saying - for being merelysnooty.Alas, Jacquot made the nose too long, and most of it broke off in hishand. No amount of glue could re-attach it, which meant that Pierrotended up with a little button nose so feminine in appearance that noone would believe that he had anything between his legs. But in fact hedid. As compensation for the broken nose, Jacquot gave Pierrot a long,long penis - the ideal woody, in effect, except that he made it flaccidand useless because if rigid, it might break.Next he made a mouth. No sooner was it. This is a true story. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy remembering it. Part One: I met Francesca at one of those "Sport for All" events where volunteers from various sports try to persuade an increasingly waddlesome and reluctant public to get off their butts.Little did I guess on that bright, crisp morning that it would be Francesca's butt that would soon be the centre of attention. She was an amateur runner but did at least 6 half-marathons a year. I was a mere swimmer, but there we were, side by side in our polysters jumpsuits. We got relieve by another volunteer at lunchtime."Wanna come for lunch with me at that new Slug & Lettuce pub round the corner? What could be more healthy than a slug and a lettuce for lunch? Meat AND veg! Mmmm!". "OK! You're on!"I hadn't thought for a moment that I was "asking her out for lunch", but my crappy joke made her laugh and she smiled a really warm smile at me as she grabbed her bag.Francesca was really pretty - no.
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