I believe my inner dialogue went something along the lines of: “Oh my god, everyone knows I’m here alone. Everyone is staring at me thinking I am a huge creep… Wait a minute. No one is actually looking at me. Why is no one looking at me?? Am I not attractive to lesbians? F*ck, here comes someone. La di da, don’t mind me, I’m just looking at my cell phone, checking all my text messages from all my hot lady suitors… Okay, phew. They passed.”This went on for an hour. I literally sat there, surrounded by sexy women and fun music, staring at a blank cell phone screen. It was getting late. The bar was going to close in 45 minutes. Suddenly, something clicked in me. I stood up, mumbled “F*ck it” under my breath, and walked into the crowd of dancing lesbians.Do you know how awkward it is to dance by yourself amidst a crowd of people all dancing in couples or groups? I’m pretty sure it’s up there in my nightmares with showing up naked to middle school and my teeth falling out of my face. But. I knewyou'd never need them again and they won't fit Marc or Darius, you'resmaller than they are." Again she stifled a chuckle. "Now sign unlessyou want to go discuss this further with Lady L.".I could not refute anything she had said. I could not go back to my oldlife and I was not about to lose all of the goodwill I had built up withLady L. over an argument I could not win. With tears flowing freely, Isigned.One week later, at the 'urging' of Lady L., I reluctantly said myfarewells to Laura, Marc and Darius as they left on the nicest boatstill at the dock. "Goodbye, Mistress Laura, I love you and thank youfor everything you have done for me." I had to say this even though Iknew that this could be my final admission that I would never leave thisisland.As the boat slowly pulled away from the dock the image of Laura's face,as happy as I had ever seen her, was burned in my mind.It had hit me like a ton of bricks as I knew deep down that there was noway I could ever go back to living.
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