It is a thought I would rather repress, not relive. He is always, in her recollections, lying in bed, waiting for her, a presence, a grief, an ache. But in fact, he had never once waited for her in bed, being occupied during the late hours, in his favorite chair, always reading the bible. She must, she thinks, get that part right… he had never awaited her. But what was his name? What was his name? Her husband’s name? A suppressed pain. Fear. There is something careless about this kind of forgetting, something unpardonable, a great guilt. Her husband, her master. His face has the quality of a blurred photograph, yet she remembers his rough hands. His rough, calloused hands on her soft breast. She shudders. Feeling foolish she starts through the alphabet, trying to associate a name with each letter: Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Donald… It feels as if every last cell of her brain was driven into illness. Her lack of memory fills her with silent dread. Not my mind, Dear god not my mind!. She was meant for greater things. She wanted to spread her wings and fly. Finally, despite George’s objections, she followed her heart and in the end, succeeded beyond everyone’s expectations, even her own. But her success came at a price. Her marriage died. While she grew as an entrepreneur, she grew out of her relationship with George. And so one Sunday morning, about a year and a half earlier, only a month after their youngest child left home to take a job in another state, they’d sat down to talk about their relationship. Predictably, George still wanted the old Janet, the one who would always be there in the home preparing meals, doing the laundry and washing the dishes. He was a good man, but he couldn’t understand that Janet needed more than that. So, with the children gone and their goals differing dramatically, they separated. Within months, they’d sold the house and George had started seeing other people. Their divorce had been finalized only a few weeks ago. At about the.
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