He loved me. This was all starting to be too much, and Sarah saw the change. When the mood hit, I would shut down, and I was now shutting down. This was one of the biggest reasons why we drifted apart. I would get depressed and had no means of communicating. It was February and blistering cold. Snow drifts were several feet high in some places. This was Derry and it winter in Maine is no joke. I wandered around the town I had called home for so long looking for answers. I walked by my church first. I prayed for the first time in a long time. I asked for any help. Anything.I walked downtown and looked at the buildings where all those memories had been made. I walked through the parks that acted as a bridge over the Kenduskeag stream. I kept walking and found my way to that bridge in town. The one I avoided.There it was. This was the bridge where on Saturday night July seventh, 1984 at 10:00 PM Charlie Howard was ambushed when three boys jumped out of their car. They chased after him. I had beenteased by the boys at school for my chubby little boy boobs, and I hadheard on more than one occasion that I needed a bra. Now I was finallywearing one, and I had to agree - I did need a bra. I needed as many as Icould get! I was now, forever, "hooked" (and I do so love that bra pun!).I cupped my chest flesh in my hands over the bra, and I admired myself inmy mother's full length mirror. For the first time, I was happy with mybody. I loved the new feelings I was getting from my mother's clothes.I kept dressing in secret every opportunity I could. Eventually I movedon to wearing my mother's skirts, blouses, and dresses. I dove deeperinto her lingerie drawer, and tried on pantyhose and slips. As soon as myparents were out the door, I was in a skirt, sitting at my mother'svanity, experimenting with makeup. Also, I started to explorecrossdressing online. I found message boards, newsgroups, and chatrooms -which I had been going into for some time already. I had some excitementin.
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