" You mean I'm supposed to be even GIRLIER?" Um. Well, you still remember your male life. Obviously." Heshrugged. "By this point you probably shouldn't. Your memories shouldhave rewritten themselves to the new reality. That's what I was mostlyconcentrating on with tonight's casting..."So, thank God for this diary, or I'd really be Mary Redding, mind andbody and soul. (Hey, if there's magic, might as well believe in souls,too, I figure.) "God DAMN it Ian. I didn't want to be a girl." I know. And I'm... I'm sorry. But there's really no going back."I looked at him, stunned. I was STUCK like this? A girl, forever? Icould actually feel tears starting to form in my eyes. It took realeffort to blink them back.Ian saw. He stepped forward, arm raised a little, then stopped. Ithink he was going to put his arm around me comfortingly, and realizedthat would be a bad idea. "Look. Mary. Why don't you get rid of thejournal. Burn it or throw it out, but just get rid of it. Never. The meal was served as we came in. Polly slid into a seat next to mine. "Cecil, I want to apologize about the other night. I rarely get into that condition." Think nothing of it. Do save me a dance when the music starts." Of course." She returned to her table. Cindy had her eyes on me, but at least she was not glaring at me. Drinks were flowing freely. Mostly wine at the dinner. I still abstained. Connie was letting Cindy and her date have one occasionally. Polly had one and nursed it. I guess she planned to stay sober this evening. Melanie was the same.The first dance was a surprise to me. A different party had requested it. It was "The Last Cheater's Waltz" and not appropriate for a wedding party, but this was a New Year's ball, so it went fine. The waltz is a beautiful one and with the stringed orchestra performing, it set the mood until more liquor was consumed. It got raucous as the evening wore on.It was required that I dance with the bride. We had few words for each other..
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