Two went to Drs. Krelinov and Steele, my dean and thesis adviser. Two more went to my graduate assistants. A fifth was for the editor of the department newsletter. That covered the academic side.The social side was more complex. Two would go to supportive faculty from other departments. Three would go to the heads of campus organizations that I had found helpful. One would go on the bulletin board at the house. That left nine for the students that helped me with the wedding. My eyes went misty when I wrote out their names. The first was to Elspeth.I was glad Sheila had loaned me Christine, but Elspeth was much more practical. She, among other talents, was a gifted researcher. She was also tied into the entire network that is New England, of which Dartmouth's campus was a small part. I could give her the job of tracking stray people down. Leaving Christine sorting my things into piles—keep, donate/gift, burn—I went back to campus.As before, I began with Dr. Krelinov. He was out, but. .. COULD NOT be in love WITH you.“I would be betraying my love for Aunt June, and her love for me.“I couldn’t be in love WITH you Jake, I couldn’t.“What kind of monster would I have to be, to have fallen in love with Aunt June’s husband, while she was lying there dying? What kind of sick, perverted person would I have to be?“You can’t even conceive of how those words tortured me, made me question myself and everything I believed in. Made me doubt that I was even capable of human feelings.“If I was actually, as Aunt June claimed, ‘in love with’ you, then I thought I had to have been one of the sickest, most depraved people on earth.“The next few weeks were, for me, hell. Instead of being excited about starting college, I was mourning Aunt June, and torturing myself each night denying I could possibly be in love WITH you.“When I did get to college, I did the only thing I knew to do. I poured myself into basketball with a vengeance. My coaches said they had never seen anyone work as.
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