I do not wish for anything to happen to you because of this damnable power that seems to control my life. I ... I am sorry. It is just that when you touch me, I do not wish to control myself. My entire life has been that of me controlling my wants and desires. Ever since the death of my papa, I held back from those around me, remaining both untouched and unloved. I listened and watched as everyone lived around me. I have hidden behind a mask, pretending that I did not want the same things other women wanted, but I do want them. Actually, I want you, Erik! My body aches with its need of you. When you place your hands on me, I burn deep inside. You are not the only one that feels tormented, mon amour. I may be untouched, but I am not wholly innocent. I am aware of the things that men and women do. One cannot live on an estate the size of the de Mornay's without witnessing several assignations. I realize that I must learn control or I could hurt someone, perhaps, even kill someone. If. And they are both OK with it.Amy even encourages me to do it. So now you know too. And I hope it makesyou feel easier about telling me what your problems are with me sharing areally big secret."Andy:Lucas just told me that he's a crossdresser and showed me that he'swearing an identical bra to the one I have on. I'm trying to figure outmy feelings. I was really confused about so many things. Amy had justtold me about dad being a crossdresser and even showed me his website.And now Lucas is telling me that he's one too. Maybe he thinks I'm onebecause of the bra. This was turning into a nightmare. But it was realand I was living it. And I'm having to face so much right now whilesitting beside Lucas."If you think I'm a crossdresser because of the bra you are wrong. I amnot one of those. My problems have nothing to do with that. Look, I don'tcare if you are one. OK? But my bra doesn't mean I want to wear it." Hesaid, "Hey man. I don't think you're a crossdresser but if you were thatwould.
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