...Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever understand.And Tammy's counting on being the girl in that picture, I can tell this inthe way she talks about our future. And yet the more time I spend withher, the more I envy her more than I desire to be with her. She'd neverwant anything more to do with me if I told her.And then there's Dave. We've been friends forever, but if I told. One quick thing. I handed in the forms to Elyse for hiring a sales person and an on-site support person.”“Sounds good. Once she’s run the numbers, I’m sure she’ll bring me the forms.”Cindi left and I got started on the paperwork and messages that had piled up since the previous Thursday. Unfortunately, between that, and a meeting with Dave, Zo, and the team on the beta release that was going out on Friday, it took up my whole day. Jessica was ready on time, so I walked from the office to the hospital to meet her.“How was your day?” I asked.“Lousy. It was another one of those days when it seemed like everyone we worked on died. We were oh-for-three.”“What happened?”“Two from the same traffic accident, and one construction accident.”“How are you holding up?”“OK, I guess. It just wears on you.”I took her hand and we walked home. After dinner, karate, and showers, we spent some time with the kids, then watched CNN to catch up on the news. There was still a headlong rush towards war with.
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