And I had not seen how much hurt I had caused until the night before. I began to rerun the the events of four years ago through my head. How did I let everyone convince me that what we had was wrong and not in Lindsey’s best interest? As much as I wanted to shift blame for what I did, I couldn’t. I got home and it was late already. The house was cold and dark. I put Lindsey’s ring back in my safe, turned on one of the MP3’s of the last orchestra concert I watched Lindsey perform in, opened a beer and sat on my porch listening. To think that she didn’t even play any more was gut wrenching. I fell asleep on my back porch and had an awful nightmare about going down to Ventura and finding Lindsey in another mans arms. I woke drenched in sweat and the feeling of loss weighed heavy on me.I rolled into the shop and tried to put on my business face. After the shop meeting where I asked the guys to give up their weekend Andy followed me back to my office. “Jesus boss! Who kicked your ass?”. “You see, several months ago, when your libido suddenly took a turn for the better, I was both pleased and surprised” she began. “I knew the passion had gone out of our marriage, and that we were both just going through the motions. Neither of us was happy, but we were both just too ‘comfortable’ to do anything about it. At first, I accepted your explanation that you were just ‘feeling your oats’, but when it continued to get better and better, I became suspicious. I was convinced you were having an affair with someone else, and at first, I was hurt; then angry; then afraid. “I considered contacting an attorney, or hiring a private detective; all the things a betrayed wife thinks about. But then I decided I needed someone to talk to about it. I couldn’t talk with anyone I work with, or even any of our friends. After all, it might have even have been one of them. I saw Margaret outside, one day, and she saw the look on my face; I was in tears. So, I confided my worse fears to her. I.
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