-Phyllis DillerWhat I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.-Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis DillerMy photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.-Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.-Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis DillerYou know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis DillerBest senior pick up line:A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.He was. "Oh my! Look at thatbottom! It looks to me like some naughty baby got their botty spankedrather recently." Aunty June did it! She beat me!" I shrilly complained, twisting aroundon the change table and trying to check out the damage for myself."Keep still!" Melody snapped, forcing me to lie back on the soft paddedsurface. "I'm sure whatever punishment your Aunty June meted out, youprobably deserved it. You must have been a very naughty little girl - Imean, boy." I shook my head in denial, unwanted tears brimming in myeyes.She frowned at my thickening erection as she wiped me clean, and shebegan to soundly scold me. "Behave yourself, Candy!" She snapped, "Doesbaby need another botty-spanking from Aunty Melody? Perhaps you wouldlike me to give you a sore red bottom, too?" I urgently shook my headin denial and she concluded, "I think your Aunty June made the rightdecision, Candy, punishing you this way." I started weeping abjectly,but my stiffie still wouldn't go down, even when the.
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