It was almost five when I called Janice. I left the following message on her voice mail. 'Seventy five thousand, and if I don't hear from you by Wednesday noon, I'm going to buy stock instead'.I went back to my drawing and sent a copy of the portrait to Luis. His email was blunt. 'It is a dull lifeless portrait ... something a draftsman would draw for the label of a package for sanitary napkins'. His comment was a little more graphic, but you get the point.'Then you fucking draw it Poncho', ' I emailed back to him. I began to wonder why I was concerned about him at all. I went through that stage for about three hours then. I knew why. He was so close to the grave that he didn't have time for soft soap. He told me what anyone would think but no one would say. I still wasn't an artist.Then to add insult to injury I got his scanned drawing on notebook paper that was ten times better than mine. His women's chest almost rose and fell as she breathed. 'It's all in the shading', his. Seeing the red light on the camera she started to speak and then noticed her arms as if seeing them for the first time. "Whoa, look at that, instant tan!" She then went on in a stream of consciousness monologue, which sounded, eerily like her good friend Robin Williams. Helen Hunt barged onstage and grabbed the microphone away from Whoopi.In an unusual Bronx accent, Helen spoke to Whoopi. "You may look like me, but you ain't me, girlfriend! Of course I ain't exactly me right now, either, but even in this tiny white girl's body, I'm still the hostess of this show and I'll do the talking." Whoop?" Whoopi asked the other woman. "It's me, Rob! Robin Williams!" Get OUT! You're in my body Robin? This is so weird! So give me back my body already, this joke is getting old and these tits are way too small for my taste in clothes." Yeah, well at least you are used to having tits. I feel like I put on ten pounds of weight, all on my chest in a second. And I won't even get started about the huge.
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