“Yeah, sometimes. But it’s never as good as when someone else does it for you, is it?”We both laughed a little. This was embarrassing but exhilarating at the same time. Where was this going?“No, it would be good to have a stand-in to turn to for some relief sometimes, wouldn’t it?” I suggested.We both laughed again.“Yeah, good idea” she said. “Who would be your stand-in?”Part of me wanted to say it would be her to see how she reacted, but I was still wary of pushing this too far. This had to be just meaningless chatter for her, didn’t it? “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. As strange as it may seem, I’ve never had this conversation with anyone before.”“Well, think now.” She was pushing me, but still laughing.“I guess it would have to be someone I fancied, obviously.”She nodded in agreement. I continued. “Someone I could trust not to want or expect anything more than just sex…”“…Oh, it’s full blown sex now is it? Not just a fumble?”“Well things inevitably lead from one thing. Maybe they were right at the farm. Maybe I had no human emotions or judgment left. Maybe I had become just a fucking machine.I would have to come to some kind of understanding of my new self, or I was likely to have a robo breakdown. What the hell that would be like, I had no idea. Probably no one else did either. At that moment I would bet the farm wished they had stopped at the Eve version.I reminded myself that I had a job to do, so I put all those feelings in the 'deal with it later' box and buried it in the back of my circuits or where ever it was stored. I maneuvered the truck down the highway, then into the alley behind my townhouse.I was disgusted with myself, but that couldn't have any effect on my thinking or actions. In other human terms, I had to forgive myself now, and try to resolve it later. I did just that. Sitting at the foot of my bed and looking out over the street. I just said to myself, "You have done worse girl. Maybe this is the worst thing you have done to.
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