..Can you understand that for a long long time I believed I was alone in these thoughts ? The intensity never ever waned but I did begin to think that I was alone in the world.. Discovering such artists as Dolcett has changed my life completely... Knowing that there are people who have the same desires as me, who long to be willingly killed, who desperately need to give themselves totally, and that there are others who would enjoy this, and who understand this, is amazing to me.Can you understand how I would stand before you when the time came, I would be naked of course, but not restrained in any way, and you would hold the knife in front of you... I would look at you longingly in the eyes, wondering is this the time or are you teasing me again...? I would push my tummy forward, touching the point, kissing the point with my willing belly, tasting the first pleasure...I would begin to gently pump my stomach onto the knife, moving closer so that it dug deeper into me, my pulse rising. We could talk about your work." Sure mom," I replied, although talking about my job was the last thing I wanted to do. Mrs. Anderson wiped the tears from her eyes and went downstairs to get something from the freezer. I walked into the living room and sat down. Apollo's head followed."I don't get it, Apollo. What happened to Jennifer, and my father?" What always happens to those who can't or don't deal with their problems...they self-destruct," he said sadly. "The death of your baby, plus losing his granddaughter Tracy, followed by your divorce was too much for Mr. Anderson to deal with. As a result, he turned to the bottle to ease his pain." But he knows that's not the way!" It's not about knowing Tom; it's about having the strength to do something about it. Sox is a strong man, but he still has several weaknesses that he can't deal with. He doesn't know any other way to ease his pain other than drinking to the point where he can't remember. Don't you see Tom, your father doesn't.
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