. there's an ad for "Bear Removers."He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van.He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old dog."What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks."I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and I'll knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.When the bear falls off the roof, the dog is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner."What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner."If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."This one is compliments of Chuck...A young law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"Professor:. On the rare occasions that I did have sex with my girl, I found myself fantasizing about Christina. Because my girlfriend only would have sex in the dark, it was easy to picture sweet, sexy Christina underneath me. Soon I found myself thinking about Christina constantly. When I masturbated, it was to her. She went to Florida with friends, and when the beach pictures hit Facebook I knew it was only a matter of time. I spent hours staring at her long, sexy legs. Drinking in every inch of her in a tiny bikini, wishing I had been on that trip with her and fantasizing about making love on the beach. Soon after Christina returned, we discovered Snapchat. We spent countless hours messaging each other outside of work on the app. To this day, I don't know how or when exactly it started, but I remember when we crossed the point of no return. Christina had taken to teasing me, "winning" arguments by pointing out that she was automatically correct because she had boobs (her words). She would.
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