I could see a wave coming in that was just begging someone to ride it. I watched her for a minute and then we both turned around and got ready to catch the wave. I waited, waited, then jumped up and let it take me. It was like flying. Spray from the wave hit me but I didn’t care. I concentrated on keeping my balance, making sure my feet had a good grip on the board and adjusting to follow the flow. I wasn’t going to try anything fancy. I glanced over and saw that Surfer Babe—until I knew her name, I would call her Surfer Babe—was up as well. She looked sure and easy on her board, as though she’d been doing this all her life. There was no tension in her body, as I knew there was in mine. I was willing to bet she was smiling, and if she could have closed her eyes and taken the wave in that way, she would have. I did pretty well until something bumped my board and I lost my train of thought. I shifted and tried to compensate, and ended up going under the water. I came up laughing. Not. The still picture of my mother was engraved into my memory, because, instead of my father come to pick her up, there were two police officers and a clergyman. There words were far too soft for my little ears, and the baby sitter scooped me up and ran from the room, lest I hear and understand.Later...Was it years, later? Decades, maybe.There is no time when you're dead. Only now, forever...Another flash of memory.My mother, weeping at the kitchen sink, was holding a sheaf of medical papers in her hand. She stared at the papers as if they were a palpable enemy that she could rend, tear, or kill. Her tears were hard and angry – but soft, and almost helpless. Hindsight cleared up so much, and I now know the anguish she felt as the sterile, white forms pronounced her death sentence.For millennia I lingered in the valley of death. There were no shadows in that valley, only blackness, silence, and emptiness. My mind went away again. I drifted on the smokescreen of memory, and visited myself.
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