It took me a while to realize that my brother was only a stand-in for me and when I allowed myself to be the imagined participant, the expression of my erotic fabrications became gentler. I couldn't hurt her, even in imaginings. I wanted to love her. I wanted her to love me.I thought I had concealed my thoughts and feelings pretty well and that mom never knew how I felt, until that day of course. Bobby had moved out of the house and I wasn't sorry to see him go. Although things had gotten better between Bobby and me but I still hadn't forgotten all the punches and taunts of "Momma's boy" he had let me have when we were younger. I was nineteen and in my third year of college. I had picked a school near home. Since Bobby left, my mother and I had had gotten even closer than we were before. I liked talking to her and we spent lots of nights together watching videos.On that particular morning, mom was sitting at the table in the kitchen and was wearing a light cotton print dress. It was. Sure enough, the right rear tire was almost flat. The car’s brake lights and turn signal came on as it moved over into the breakdown lane. As I began to pass by, I saw that the driver was a young woman. I like to think I would have stopped had it been someone older, but I really don’t know. Even at first glance she was good-looking and in need of a man’s help. So I pulled ahead of her into the breakdown lane and stopped. It was sprinkling rain. I put on my St. Louis Cardinals baseball cap, the blue one they wear for road games, then, zipped up my windbreaker, and walked back to her car. Her ash blonde mane was not much longer than my own blonde hair. She was wearing black pedal pushers and a faded denim jacket adorned with sequins. She looked at me, not as friendly or grateful as I expected, then said, ‘I’ve had a slow leak in that tire. Guess I should have had it fixed.’ Raindrops were collecting in her hair, little diamonds that sparkled in the late afternoon light. At least.
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