It started in January, with the loss of my first true girlfriend, Beth, who moved to Australia with her parents, plunging me into despair. Nobody did more to sooth and comfort me at that time than Jenny; nobody showed more gentle patience. My frustrations would build and sink, either ending in aggressive confrontations with my parents, or in dark solitude. Only Jenny could help. One Saturday, near the middle of April, Jenny decided that it would be good for both of us to get out of the house for a day, so she arranged horse riding lessons at the local stables. I wasn’t overly keen on the idea, but thought it would be worth it just to spend some precious time with her. And soon, I found myself sitting on the back of a large, black mare, waiting to be led out into a paddock. After that, however, I have no memory of what happened. I’m told that the mare was startled, making it rear and buck uncontrollably, until I was thrown, headfirst to the concrete, courtyard below. In stretching. At work, I kept it in its bag in my bottom draw, then brought it home and put it in my dresser under my sweaters. Usually we share everything, but I felt drawn to this book in a strange way, and ashamed that I took it so seriously. I was dying to look at the pictures and read the captions, but I waited for two days until you were at work late. Then, I took it out and sat at the kitchen table with a glass of wine and paged through it. This was a different world. Was it heaven, or was it hell? Maybe they're the same, for some people. There were men and women in positions of power and subjection: men dominating women, women dominating women, women dominating men, men dominating men, and then, sometimes someone dominating two people at a time. All the pictures were in black and white, and the people were mostly in black leather or lycra or latex clothing, open, of course, to expose them. All the subs, men and women, looked intensely aroused. It was more variable for the dominating men.
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