There were dozens of people gathered in a large white room, and after a few moments of mingling they were eventually separated into pairs, sometimes sets of three, and distributed to various sections of the room, each containing beds. On the command of someone off-screen, a husky "Begin!", the people began stripping off their clothes. I can still remember gaping at the screen and wondering what the heck was going on. One moment everyone was just standing around talking, and the next they were all naked and kissing and touching each other in ways no one had to tell me were inappropriate. That's how I discovered what sex was. I discovered that a man's penis was much larger and scarier looking than I imagined, and that it stuck up when a man was ready for sex, and that it leaked whitish fluid—though I didn't know why. And I discovered that a woman, too, could leak fluid from her vagina, and that there were holes down there where a penis could enter, and that there were certain places to. “We’re one less tonight, and I actually saw Phil on the street the other day, stumbling along the road drunk and obviously in a lot of pain. He said he was doing the nasty again with women off the street, and that’s the last I saw of him. He looked very sick, and I don’t think he’ll last very long. He was fed up, and sometimes we do get fed up in this program. There’s no question that everyone here has urges to act out from time to time, especially now that summer is in full swing. But I can’t emphasize enough the importance of coming to these meetings, even when we’re just hanging on. Because there’s nothing but death and disease out there if we choose to act out instead of working the program. From what I can tell, we’re all on the edge of something here—every one of us. So don’t be complacent about the addiction we have, because it sneaks up on us and kills us. If you want to live, then you’ll come to these meetings and talk about what’s bothering you, because leaving it all.
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