'He arranged the drape and I took the pose, holding it, concentrating — mute, remote, unseeing. When I had to, I shifted subtly to relax some muscles, tauten others. Not really a different pose, but a different version of it. I held that for a long time, then moved again in the same way."Yes, ' Carl said, "yes, that's it. You've got the idea — really, you've taken it where I hadn't. Tell me how you're doing it.'I stood up, relaxed, dropped the drape. "That's tiring, ' I said, sitting back on the stool and pulling my knees up to stretch the muscles."Well, if it means you're going to show me your cunt every time, I'm for it.'I laughed. "This morning, you said exhibitionism is disgusting.'Then I said, "Well, you know I did a lot of mime in college. What I was doing just now was a Still Mime. You keep the same position, but you vary it slightly so you don't cramp up. You can hold almost the same pose for — I don't know, maybe an hour if you're in practice. I'm not.'"But that's just what I. ..My desires started around middle school and had grown almost uncontrollable by high school. I had always been very athletic, and by that point I had already begun to make a name for myself through sports. It seemed as if I was good at anything I tried, but where I grew up baseball and especially football, were king.I’m sure it sounds arrogant, however I’m just being honest and telling it like it happened. A star high school athlete, where I was from and at the time I grew up, had very real expectations. Already having received numerous college scholarship offers with an eye on things beyond that, it seemed clear the all American role I had to play.Yet, there were those feelings, those desires. I wanted nothing more than to taste cock, to suck it, to pleasure it. I wasn’t exactly sure of my sexual orientation, but back then oh how I wanted to be on my knees. Oh how I so wanted to feel a hard cock against my lips and on my tongue. I would lie awake at night dreaming about it. Dreaming.
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