As the music that only I can hear swells to the chorus, I flip my hair back, dancing all by myself as he sings about his desire. ‘Well I’m not paralyzed /but I seem to be struck by you. I want to make you move /because you’re standing still.’ My body feels liquid as I float around the room delighted by the air caressing my bare skin. The ghostly words of Finger Eleven’s song seducing my mind and heating my body. I close my eyes and imagine my husband, Tommy, lying on the bed. His eyes hooded with desire, his manhood standing tall with respect, as I move around before him. Feeling giddy at the thought of being watched, I smile to myself and cup my breasts - for Tommy’s benefit. Feeling the music flow through me, I welcome the way my muscles burn as they bunch and stretch, twisting and turning my body. My nipples harden beneath the heat of my palms as I tenderly handle the soft skin of my plump breasts. My head lulls back. Wet hair tickles the top of my swaying heiney. A quiet,. No personal accomplishments except keeping the guys in line.’ ‘No. Oh, God, yes. No.’ Could this be true? ‘I thought I was rebelling. I was going to create my own wealth and power.’ ‘By marrying it?’ Jeff asked. ‘That sounds stupid.’ ‘I’m sorry. If you’re going to cry, pull over and let me drive.’ I did. Had my whole life been a sham? Was I just fooling myself? Jeff reached over and took my hand and just held it. He handled the steering wheel with his left. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t know whether it was because he had no idea what to say or because he thought it was best not to say anything right now. Whatever the reason, it was the right thing not to say. We drove for a while in silence. Finally I said, ‘Thank you.’ ‘You’re welcome.’ ‘How did you know?’ I asked. ‘Instinct, I guess.’ ‘You continue to surprise me. It amazes me that you can be so incredibly perceptive.’ ‘Go ahead, finish. And so clueless at other times.’ I don’t know if it was any good, but it I tried my best.
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