"Jack and Jill sat in chairs opposite the doctor's desk, side by side.Jack said, "We were hoping you could help us." What would you like help with?" We've been married for a year and a half. We'd like children. Our parents want grandchildren. They keep asking if Jill is pregnant, but she isn't. They said we ought to go see a fertility specialist." I see. OK, first things first. You have been having relations regularly?" Relations?" asked Jack."Sexual relations."Husband and wife looked at each other uneasily. "Um, what are sexual relations?" asked Jack.The doctor maintained her neutral demeanor with some effort. "Sexual intercourse."The two continued to look at her blankly."Where a man's penis delivers semen inside of a woman's vagina."The two looked at her with wide eyes. "I'm sure I didn't hear that right," said Jack.Jill just looked at her with mouth agape."It is necessary in order to have a baby." It sounds obscene. And incredibly gross!" said Jill."Um, what's a vagina?" asked. “YES!” they all yelled. “Miss Granger?” he asked. I wanted to say no, but then I didn’t really see how this could get any worse. And it might help mask some of my reactions to what was happening inside the booth. I nodded my agreement and Kevin leaned in and kissed me again. “I don’t even know how to start,” Mr Smith muttered. “Dearly beloved!” Mandy cried euphorically, almost hopping up and down with excitement. She was definitely mixing something with her wine spritzer. “Dearly beloved,” Mr Smith began. “We are gathered here today in the sight of …,” he briefly considered and then rejected what he probably thought – under the circumstances – would be blasphemy. “… in the sight of a hundred rambunctious teenagers,” an excited cheer from the crowd, “to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.” “Get to the good bits!” “Yeah, go straight to the I do’s” Kevin turned and stole a glance at my disembodied and possibly horrified-looking face. Josh chose that moment to slowly pull his.
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