"The second thing was a revelation I had when I was holding that little boy today, Moira. I don't know if I can explain just what happened with Paul. When he was born, I was eager and excited, but wary, and pretty clueless. I wasn't at all sure how I was going to be as a dad. But then, in the delivery room, after they'd gotten him cleaned up and Lisa had a chance to hold him briefly, the midwife picked him up. 'Well now, it's time to free up this birthing room. Lisa, you get to ride over to your room in a wheelchair. And Paul, ' she'd said to the baby, 'you get to be carried by your father'. Then she shoved this bundle at me, like a quarterback making a handoff to a runningback. 'Take him!' she insisted when my hands were slow to grab him. 'He's your baby.'"Moira, I took this bundle from her and looked down into Paul's face, and I swear something happened in me, as quickly as throwing a light switch; something changed in me. There was no longer a bundle in my arms, there was Paul, my. I stepped between the puddles as best I could without hopping over the bigger ones. I opened the door for a semi pompous woman in her mid-thirties. They don't seem to want to smile or even acknowledge a man's presence, lest we try to solemnize them right there on the threshold of the double doors into Panera. "Why do I fucking come here?" my mind screams.Once I get in, I remember. As snotty as they seem, they still intrigue me. Lean, slender, elegantly, elegantly coiffured women of all ages seem to be able to walk with their noses in the air; unseeing men around them. Others are on their cell phones; oblivious to anybody around them. Is it them or me? As a young man, driving a Porsche or Corvette, I thought I could approach almost any woman I was interested in. Now, in my seventies, they hardly see me. Occasionally I am amused / mildly insulted when an attractive sacker at the grocery store asks me if she should carry the groceries to my car for me.Having worked in an office doing.
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