All this resulted in was my filling the sink andsticking my electric razor under water in an attempt to electrocutemyself.When I went off to college I started using to the library computer totry to understand myself better. I learned that there was a differencebetween being gay and who I was. I always knew that even though Ithought guys were cute, my feelings had nothing to do with wanting tosleep with guys. It was about me and how I saw my own body and self.That I wasn't gay but a transsexual wishing that I was in the girl'sdorm instead of the boy's dorm.It was also around this time that I first told my mother straight outthat now that I was out of high school, I'd wear a skirt or dress forspecial occasions, but I'd kill myself before I got dressed up in a suitand tie again. Something mom argued about on such occasions as when Iwanted to wear a dress in Katrina's wedding and once again wish I lookedas good as Jennifer and the other bridesmaids at the wedding. Even morejealous of. He glanced at her and commented:“Do you remember our conversation last April, when we talked about the birch grove?”“Yes, I remember that.”“I’m sure you’d agree it’s time we pay that location a visit, don’t you think?”Danka felt a shiver running through her body. So, they would spend the promised afternoon in the grove, but it would not be an afternoon of erotic play. It was obvious Ermin planned to inflict real punishment. She understood, under the circumstances, that she deserved a whipping. She was actually relieved; if Ermin punished her, then it was less likely she’d have to endure punishment from Babackt Yaga. She suspected chastisement from her Mistress would be infinitely worse than anything Ermin could inflict on her.After a few moments of silence, she desolately looked at her companion.“When you’re finished, do you think you can forgive me?”“I’ll try, Danka. That’s all I can promise right now. I’ll try to forgive you. I’m well-aware that harboring anger won’t serve either.
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