.. Granddad, I can't tell you how happy you have just made me. I know it will be years before Mike and I can get married, but would you mind if I think of you as my grandfather, now, anyway? You see, sir, both of my parents are orphans. I have never had any grandparents. It ... It would be so wonderful if you would allow—" Allow?" he exclaimed. Then, as his wife returned from her tour, he said, "Sue, guess what? We now have a brand-new granddaughter. I know how much you drool over the cute dresses they sell for little girls, and how you long for Gail to grow up so you can start buying some. Well, now you can, for your newest granddaughter and Mike's future wife, Susan Carlson! What do you think?" Stanton Jeffries!" Susan exclaimed. "That was the all-time, all-galaxy dumbest question you have ever asked! What in hell do you think I think? I think Michael Morris, Jr., has just done the near-impossible. He will be marrying the finest girl alive in the whole world!"Then she reached out. Oh well. I see that you don?t believe me.? ?No I don?t? ?Well spin doctors have tried to suppress Jesus' early days as a party animal just as they did the early frat boy days of W Bush. He really was an adventurous type. As Jesus always said, don?t try to walk on water if you are not afraid to drown.? ?He did not!? ?Oh yes he did, it?s in the book of Sydney which I am afraid has since been long suppressed by Rome. Sydney was a real loser apostle. He was the one who got stuck with the check for the last supper. He?s the feminine one you see in the Last Supper painting, well so much for the Da Vinci Code. Oh and let me tell you something else they left out of the bible, the apostles were terrible tippers.? ?I don?t want to hear anymore. Why can?t you just go back from where you came from?? ?If you banish me back into the Internet abyss, I will unleash a plague of spam so horrible that everyone will be working at home weighing 65 pounds with a fake degree having 20 ft penises.
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