'Look last night was fun, but' I started, biting back the fury that rose in me when I thought about the events of the past twenty-four hours, 'I can't do that again.' I finished between clenched teeth with barely checked rage darkening my eyes. You stepped back suddenly afraid of me. 'I thought it was what you wanted?' You ask your voice quivering, full of fear and trepidation. I stare at you for nearly a full minute before I find my voice, 'what I wanted?!' I retorted my voice an angry whisper, 'I never wanted to see you used in that way, their hands on you, them inside you! I never wanted that! The only reason I agreed to it was because it was Your fantasy.' My breathing ragged and angry you stare at me incredulous, wondering how I could've said nothing. The only reason you had done it besides it being a major fantasy for you was because I had said it was okay, and you thought I would enjoy it; you would never do anything to purposely hurt me. 'Why didn't you tell me how you felt. It took a near catastrophe to make it happen. I'm not sure it would have happened any other way." I'm just happy you survived it. The children are happy too, but when you leave, it will be difficult for them. Debbie understands, but I'm not sure Billy and Sandy will. They miss their father." Maybe I can find a job nearby. I have time to look and make sure it's something that I can enjoy and do well at. I want to be near the children too."We spent the next hour or so with the youngsters telling me about their new lives in Louisville. They talked about their school (Sandy was in playschool) and their new friends. I liked what I heard. They were happy and enjoying their life. I hoped my leaving wouldn't be too traumatic for them. I promised, with fingers crossed, that I would see them more often. I hoped that I could keep that promise.Sandy was first to bed, followed by Billie, and at eight-thirty, Debbie reluctantly agreed to go. All of them gave me a big hug and kiss after I assured.
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