Lady Helen had indicated, when we met on my arrival, that she knew me as a child, but I must have been only a small child as I didn't remember her at all. My parents had many friends but none remained in my memory, I suppose because I was never allowed to join them, being sent to my room and kept occupied by the nanny. My thoughts slowly turned to Melissa. She was still very attractive, not at all like the older women I was used to. My teachers, for example. All staid, matronly types who, in some cases, were actually younger than she was. I remembered how I felt as I undressed. I was excited. I found it kind of thrilling having someone watch as I disrobed but I had no idea why. She was a woman too. It was not as though I was being ogled at by a man, and yet... I felt the thrill begin to reappear inside my belly as I dreamed and I pressed my hands between my legs, trying to control the sensation that was building in me. I felt odd, peaceful and excited, like adrenalin rushing. I came to realize that all those memories were true. I doremember wanting to be a girl. I remember all the dress up sessions Ihad. Those were the only times I was happy when I was little. Iremember a time when my family was traveling, and we stopped at arestaurant for dinner. The waitress asked my mom what 'she' wanted,referring to me as a she. I smiled and gave my order trying to soundlike a girl. My dad exploded on me and I stopped acting like that. Allmy happy memories as a child were of trying to be a girl. My god, nowonder...I went into the living room where Jeff was watching TV."You feel any better?" Jeff asked turning off the TV."Yeah, thanks," I said. "Can I ask you something?" Yeah." When did you know that you were...a guy." Ever since I was little," Jeff answered. "I would constantly refer tomyself as a boy. I would dress in my dad's clothes and act like I was abusinessman. I would try to play with the boys in the neighborhood. Itwas only my parent's constant.
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