My hands. Two useless stumps now. My eyes are opened and I see the truth. Fingers that do not work the way I want them to, that no longer fly over the keyboard to record my words as fast as they spill from my brain. Damn you, Walter Kyle. Damn your drunken soul for taking my hands from me.You take my hands away and unbutton my shirt for me, allowing me to caress your warm flesh. I can feel your muscles beneath your skin. Swimmer's muscles, long and powerful, and yet you look so frail from a distance. My shirt falls to the grass and you caress my bare chest, sending tingles all through my body. I am pale all over, a contrast to your glowing skin, tanned from long hours in the sun painting or reading romance novels. I spend all day indoors, promising to come out as soon as I finish this paragraph, or maybe this page, or maybe this chapter. I never do, except on picnic days, but you forgive me.We hold each other and caress and kiss and we dance, to Sinatra now, though neither of us can. A faith in the mind to strive for greater things. Whether internally, to find a kind of peace. Have you heard of Buddhism?”“I have heard of it. Some sort of eastern mysticism.”“I suppose it can be mystical. It’s belief in karma and reincarnation. Both things encouraging doing good in one’s life to make things better for your future.”“Like gaining heaven through good deeds.”“Very similar, actually, but more material. Instead of heaven, they believe a soul can come back within a better being, and they have an eventual place to achieve called Nirvana which matches heaven. To reach it one must enter a state of enlightenment, which is a place of utter peace and acceptance. No longer fighting battles in your mind. Like allowing the flow of a river to send you where it will instead of fighting against it. It’s closest to what I think, because of the peace it brings. But I also believe in the mind as a thing to ameliorate. To figure things out. To continually improve.”“Like better.
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