I wondered whether I would end upwearing those heels before or after my first bra.Having lost my job I had felt a sense of being emasculated. I had pridedmyself on being the breadwinner in our relationship and that had beentaken away from me. This feeling of being emasculated was enhanced bywhat Sarah had done to my trousers and was doing to my wardrobe..I felt powerless.It was like I was being fucked.I couldn't do anything about it.I had no will of my own and had become a spectator of my own life. Itwas no longer about what I was doing, but what was being done to me.These are classic symptoms of depression or the blues.As I sat there waiting for the kettle to boil, Sarah came into thekitchen."John, you know that when you dress as a girl, you need to have a newname. We can't go round calling you John. I think it would beempowering for you, on becoming a girl, to choose your own name."A normal guy, determined to hold on to his masculinity, who found himselfdressed like me might. "let me see if an old mate was still around , especially if he was at his old house . dug out his address , just went round & knocked on his door . The house looked dreary , & as he answered & opened the door the dowdy darkness drew me in . Cracked a beer , .."Long time no.." Light showed his huge fat body , vest & bracers .. We went into his lounge , dim lit & porn on the t v. He belched & flew off his braces . His old trousers fell as he sat back on the settee pantless , balls low & cock limp ..."Drink some beer - suck me off" .Knelt tween his legs & sucked . Later with my mouth buzzing with fresh spunk I told him of my "mates" dream . After awhile he said " Fine " ..BUT once he's in - HE'S IN ! " - "NO cryin & wanting out " . I said "Deal " Night off the pub re opening . I slipped in early , "Big George " had run up a trolly of old pallets . "Right - lay on THAT - strap you down with ties " As I lay there he tied me legs arms neck ..
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