Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt,. .. don't cum in me... oh fuck... oh that feels good." Her legs would be wrapped around my waist, pulling me deeper even as she half-heartedly objected.When she felt the heat of my orgasm, it would trigger her own. I imagine her pussy clenching around me. Her mouth would be hanging open, eyes closed tightly, moaning in pleasure. Her cunt would contract around my cock, milking the cum out of me.Only after she caught her breath would she question me: "I thought you were going to pull out?" She wouldn't sound angry or even disappointed, just a bit confused. Still too flooded with endorphins to protest, she would lie there, idly fingering herself, and spread my sticky cum over her lips.I know I can't do that to her. I'm a good guy. No matter how good it might feel, I want to respect her wishes. So I focus on the sound of her breathing. I watch her squeeze her tits, whispering filthy things to me. I imagine cumming inside her one last time. I feel her grab my my balls with her fingers ,.
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