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"Hello, Playboy." Lois picks up the phone."Hello Ma'am, this is the Chicago police. We got a message that there was a break-in at the Playboy Mansion. We are just checking to make sure everything is alright." Oh, don't worry officer. It is just the alarm guy working on the alarm. I appreciate you calling officer, but everything is fine." Lois stated confidently."Sorry to bother you Ma'am. Just doing our duty." Thank you officer. Have a good day." You too Ma'am."I sat there like the idiot that I am for about an hour before I realized what most likely happened and that the police were not going to show up after all.It hit me hard. I really was locked inside the Playboy Mansion with no way out. Normally that would seem like a good thing except I am stuck in a supply room. I began to look around. I looked up. Ah, an air conditioner vent. All I have to do is remove the grate and crawl through. Then I can get into another room and find the breaker box. It always looks so easy in the. Now I put this other peg in; it’s called a soft spile, and it’s more porous, so it will let air in to replace the beer which is being withdrawn. Now for the tricky bit, and if you don’t mind, I’ll do it for both casks. See the plug here on the end, which we call the keystone? That’s where we’re going to drive the tap in, and it needs to be done in one sharp blow, or there’ll be wasted beer all over the floor, and that would be a crying shame in more ways than one.”He picked up the brass tap, which had a gentle conical end which was perforated with small holes.“Now, if you ever do this yourselves, for heaven’s sake check that the tap is in the ‘off’ position before you drive it in. I made that mistake when I was a youngster, and it took a long while to live it down, I can tell you! And me Ma was downright shirty that I’d got me trousers drenched in beer!”Holding the tap between two fingers, he picked up the mallet and positioned the end of the tap against the keystone. With practised.
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