So I spent a lot of time in my room, or biking around the neighborhooddoing odd jobs.That's how Mrs. Jacobs found me. A friend of a friend had recommendedme. She called me and the next day I found myself helping her clean outthe garage. And then she started spouting off that nonsense about howdeep down inside I wanted to become a housewife.What am I going to do? I fretted. Maybe I can try and convince her thatI'm really not like that?I stared at the ceiling and listened to my step-brother snoring in thenext room and my step-dad snoring down the hall.I'll just go to her tomorrow morning, I thought. I'll just go to her andexplain that she got it all wrong. That I do *not*, no way, under anycircumstance, want to become a housewife.But what if she ignores me? What if she pulls me inside and startsdressing me up or something?Somehow my penis had gotten trapped in my underwear. I reached down andadjusted it. What the fuck?Okay, fine. I _had_ thought about wearing women's clothing. Again they wept, but this time, not for their son, but for their own lives, a part of which had been taken away. Finally, God spoke. His voice was steady, but His tears mixed with their own. ‘My children, I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you.’ With a wave of His hand, they were surrounded by the images from their life. Their young selves saw the son they were about to have and the life ahead that awaited them. ‘All of this hurt, all of this pain, I can take from you. The anger, the sadness, it will be gone,’ God said. ‘Or I can give you a gift. I can give you a son. He will cause you unimaginable pride, joy, and frustration. He will try your patience, make you cry and teach you things about yourselves never knew. He will make you laugh, he will warm your hearts and he will fill your house and your lives with love.’ ‘But there’s a catch,’ God paused for along moment. ‘You only get to keep him for 30 years.’ The couple looked at each other and said in unison, ‘Lord,.
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