After the last performance Beth and I went to the closing night cast party.After a couple of hours at the party I noticed Beth sitting in a big overstuffed chair, feet tucked up under her, looking as if she was the only person in the room.I walked over and plopped down on one arm of the chair. "What's up? You don't look like you're very happy." I'm mad, Tommy." Oh, oh. What had I done now?"Who are you mad at?" I said, with fingers crossed."Myself."Huh? "Um, why?" Tommy, I wasted two and a half years! I didn't know! If I'd had the guts to accept a ride from you our freshman year I could have had two more years of this. And now it's over!" I slid down into the chair and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know what to say. I certainly wasn't going to point out I wasn't even driving when I was a freshman!As we sat there watching our friends enjoy the evening a melancholy feeling crept up on me. A big chapter of our lives was drawing to a close and whatever came next was going to. The shock went deeper when he asked me deeper, more personal questions about my parents. I admitted I knew nothing about how they met or their romance leading them to marriage. He showed me a report, a birth certificate, and a wedding license. My mother had become pregnant with me by my father. She was wild and “easy” as the term was used then. Both families made sure the two got married. The tight, controlling, and conservative religious element of our lives was punishing and controlling of my mother and me. I had heard of the expression ‘the sins of the father’ but this was ‘sins of the mother’. It was expected that without rigid, tight interventions I would follow the same path as my mother. Some of this my mother had apologized for when I was getting ready to leave home. Some were still new to me. It helped explain, though, the choices I had made in my life, the kinds of men I was programmed to seek out and attach myself to. My husband had been of the same ilk as my.
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