.it really is you!" a female voice said, causing me to gaspand open my eyes. A woman stood in the door of the bathroom, smiling atme. She was wearing blue jeans and a white tank top. She had long blackhair which was tied in a ponytail behind her head. It was hard to tellhow old she was but I'd guess around her early forties."Forgive me," she said as she approached. "I'm Mrs DeSanto. My husbandbrought you here." Oh," I said, unsure how I was meant to respond. "Nice to meet you." It's wonderful to meet you too! I'm a huge fan of your work!" she toldme as she sat on the edge of the bath and I saw her eyes trace over mynaked body beneath the water. "It was amazing to see you on TV! I neverthought you would come out of hiding!" Well....erm....I sort of didn't have much choice."She leant over a little closer and her fingertips brushed my face andonto my lips before she pulled back."Well I'm glad you are here. We are going to be great friends. I can feelit," she said."That would be nice," I. No, seriously. GO FUCK YOURSELF. Preferably with a rough-cut, unsanded two-by-four. I have a no nudity clause in EVERY contract I sign for EVERY project I do. It has been vetted in the courts, and upheld on appeal. Your lawyers knew about it. Your writers knew about it. Your director knew about it. Even you knew about it. How do I know this? Because MY lawyer was required to read it out loud to YOU in a face-to-face meeting with you when YOUR lawyer was present. After what Nesta tried to pull a few years ago, I can never be too careful.“Are you going to tell me that you don’t remember? Because that portion of the meeting was recorded on video, with your foreknowledge and signed, notarized consent before we started the meeting. Additionally, a copy of the recording, verified by legal witnesses, including an administrative law judge who signed off on its authenticity before passing the copy to your lawyer personally, is also a part of the contract for my participation in this.
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