'I have an important jobthat helps save lives. You want me to give it up?' It had always beeneither that excuse or something else. He remembered the day he came homeand there was a note on the table. His wife had left him. He had noteven fought to keep his marriage. Until now, he had never considered hiswife's perspective. The loss and devastation he had caused her. He feltso different in this body and with Amanda's life and memories. He couldfeel the desire to be cherished and nurtured, and something even moreprofound, the desire to bring a life into the world. Struggling with hisnew female hormones and the emotions surrounding the loss of his oldlife, Sean wept into his pillow.The next morning Sean found himself walking slowly and carefully througha city block. His gun was drawn and aimed at the ground about twentyfeet in front of him. He used the cover around him well to shieldhimself from threats. A tree here, a short brick wall there. He kept hisbreathing steady as he worked his. " Shawna realised, focussed off into the distance."You were, a little." He stressed the past tense. "It was just as much about being outside of all the loops, stuck on the sidelines." He shrugged. "I don't feel like that any more." Are you replacing it with anything?" Shawna almost begged, leaning in against him."Everybody's Changing." he smiled, gently, wrapping his arm around her gently. "It's... I'm not the guy on the sidelines any more, and not just with you. It's... it can be scary here, sometimes, and all the boundaries are shifting, but they're shifting because I'm making them, and that's good." What about that changes that you aren't making happen?" Hope wondered, and he shrugged. "It's difficult to tell which ones are which. I came up here knowing things would change, and they are. If I wasn't here, Nick and Ally would probably be dealing with most of them so... they're all my choice, really.I mean, I chose to come here because you were coming here, and for all the wrong.
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