I keep it for those times when I'm too busy working weekends and can't find anyone to cut the grass.Hoping to drown him in a puddle of poisonous pesticide, I systematically saturated him with an entire gallon of the lethal liquid. With a look of sadistic glee on my face, I looked down at 'Ralph' as if expecting to hear him cry out in agony. He didn't! Instead, of begging for mercy or screaming from pain he just sat there in mocking silence. To say I became angry would have been the understatement of the century. I had murder in my eyes. I went into my garage and began looking for something... anything... with which to send 'Ralph' to whatever afterlife it is that dead plants go so he could meet the proverbial 'Burning Bush' personally. Five minutes later, I came back carrying a trash-bag containing everything that was even remotely toxic in my garage; and then, one at a time, I maliciously emptied the contents of every container in the bag onto 'Ralph'. The last thing I. "Not till you showed me. But ever since I can remember--the girls I most envied--the girls I most wanted to be like--" She stopped and took a deep, unsteady breath. "--were the girls in those magazines, the ones who were so pretty and sexy they could pose naked so men could jack off to their pictures." Her face began to twist again. "And now I am one!" She began to cry again, and I held her. When she calmed down again, I asked, "Millie, honey--did you read what it said on that page?" She looked at me wide-eyed. "N-no," she said. "What does it say?" I handed her the magazine again and watched as she read. Her eyes grew bigger and bigger as she read, and her mouth opened wider and wider. She finally looked up. "They want me to pose for them," she said in a childlike voice. "They want to take naked pictures of me and show me to everybody."She looked back at the magazine and began to flip through it, looking at the pictures. I could she she was imagining herself in those pictures, those.
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