..I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years. I was quite innocent about all this until I reached an age where I began to wonder what was happening to me. I started to read the dictionary definitions. As a result I ran away from it all. forced myself to stop dressing, tried to date girls (disaster). University...had a girlfriend. Wild about one another but never even tried to have sex. A guy seduced me, fucked me and suddenly I thought 'this is who I am!' I had an unusual interest in transvestites and transsexuals, reading every book going but I was in denial and just saw myself as a passive gay guy. I totally repressed any inclination to wear female clothing. I got into the leather scene as a gay man. But always submissive. Submission became my focus. I endured a lot of sessions I really didn't like. I was whipped and beaten and my stoicism saw me through. But I did learn to be a good sub/slave. The internet came along. I was in on it. “Why don’t you all take another handful of sweets from the bucket to hold you through the story,” I said, waving at the large plastic bin that I filled up every Halloween. “And take a seat. I know it’ll put you behind on your schedule, but you know Mrs Halliday next door always turns her lights off and pretends to be out, hiding away from you. So if you don’t try her house, waiting for her to answer her door – and she never will – you’ll be back on schedule.”They all turned and looked accusingly at my neighbour’s house, dark and quiet in the late twilight and looking for all the world like it had been empty for weeks. Nasty old skinflint, she was.“Who’s that?” Bethany asked, pointing behind me.“She’s an acquaintance of mine. Her name’s Wendy.”My ex-wife joined me at the door.“Is she your girlfriend?” the little girl asked with a touch of jealousy in her eyes. I think she considered me her property – although purely on the level of what-can-I-get-out-of-him.Wendy sniggered. I said,.
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