Despite the hesitancy of her general demeanour, her eyes blazed with desire. She made no move to disrobe but did not resist as I began to undress her. So that we should not proceed in total silence I asked a few questions and learnt that she was only seventeen years old and came from Zambia in southern Africa. Her family had sent her to stay with relatives in London to earn some money to send home. She was in the country entirely illegally and had worked in a succession of menial, low-paid jobs where employers pay cash and ask no questions. She was essentially a very quiet, calm and level-headed person for whom the raging sexual desire that had consumed her last few days was entirely out of character. Its grip on her was so strong that she made no attempt to resist it but at some level she realised that something strange and disturbing was happening.I was desperate to resolve her anxiety in the only way I knew, but once I had undressed her I contained myself long enough to stand her. I led the way upstairs with my heart hammering so hard that I really thought I would either faint or have a heart attack. I was so fucking scared, and yet at the same time I was so excited, so exhilarated at the prospect of the real pleasure after all this time. I wasn’t at all turned on, I was far too anxious for that, but I just knew it would turn out alright and I couldn’t wait to be able to tell myself that I was normal hot-blooded woman after all. We undressed in silence, watching each other from opposite sides of the bed whilst pretending not to. It was the first time I’d stripped with intent, as you might say, in front of a man, and so I was feeling shy. It took a real effort to show myself to him, to stop my hands from covering the bits that count, and to stop my feet from racing back down the stairs. I forced my hands and feet to behave and I let his eyes wander over me. At least I was happy with my body, I didn’t mind David seeing that, although the context was a bit scary..
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