And the independence to earn." My English is getting pretty good," she said."Yes! It's very good! You learn more, in my absence, than when I am here, teaching you!" It is because of Carol!" Margarita said. "She has no Spanish. And the children. I must speak English to them, or say nothing at all!" Motivation," I said."Que?" No-no-no -- not 'que, '. The word is, 'what?' You don't know the word, 'motivation, ' so when you want to ask me what it means, you say, 'What?' Or you can say, "I - don't - know - what - 'motivation' - means."So she did. "I don't know what it means, this word, mo-to-vacation."I laughed. "Not 'motovacation.' -- Motivation. It means, when you were with Carol, you were forced to speak English, in order to be understood at all. So you had a stronger reason to learn it, and to use it. You had 'motivation.'" Yes! Because, with you, if I don't have a word, I can say it to you in Spanish!" But, no more!" I said. "You have learned so much already. From now on -- no. But Nancy wasn't enough. She was a good friend and kind, but that ironic smirk of hers rarely left her face, and sometimes Madison's patience wore thin. It was hard to keep positive with Nancy needling everything and everybody--sure, she was funny, but sometimes Madison wanted for something else. The Madison of Before would never have felt this way, she realized; the Madison of Before had always been surrounded by praise and good cheer. "Or at least sycophants," said Nancy the one time Madison mentioned it, which showed her that Nancy at once understood it and had absolutely no intention of taking it seriously. She didn't bring it up again.She couldn't turn to her parents. She wasn't even sure what she wanted. She didn't have the words to explain; she didn't have the inner sensitivity to detect it. Feelings, Before or After, had never been Madison Bechtel's strong point. All she had was a growing sense that Nancy's style of friendship wasn't what she wanted. But from a lifetime of.
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