"You'd be surprised," Satan said. "Not that people say, 'I want to go hell.' It's just that God makes it so damn easy to get into heaven that you almost have to ask to go to my place. But quite a few do." Robin Mallory shook her head. "I'm afraid I won't be one of them," she said. Satan smiled. "You haven't heard my offer yet," he said. She gestured to the sink. "I have work to do," she said. Satan sighed and snapped his fingers. The dirty dishes were cleaned, dried and stacked in their places. The food was back where it belonged and the counter was wiped clean. A brand new red-checkered tablecloth covered the kitchen table. "Okay, Mr. Applegate," she said, plopping into a chair opposite him. "You just saved me 10 minutes. Make your pitch." Satan chuckled. He liked her matter-of-fact attitude. It was such a nice change from the typical run of terrified or greedy humans that he usually dealt with. "How can I do that before I learn what it is you want?" Satan said, smiling broadly.... The realism blew my mind. I knew I had the answer. I commissioned a carving of me, Kelly and Kirsty. John, the wood carver, asked me to give him some pictures of the three of us. He had seen us in the flesh as well. He then did some sketches of possible carvings, I wanted the theme of potatoes worked in somewhere.I chose a sketch showing me and Kelly standing arm in arm with Kirsty sitting against a sack of potatoes at our feet. I chose a piece of apple wood for the carving, which would stand around fifteen inches high when completed.I agreed to supply fifty tins of baked beans, a box of tea bags and a side of bacon, which I had acquired from Blackie's group. In the current times the tea bags were actually worth more than either of the other items.I was on my way to pick up my carving. Scott was doing the milk run and he agreed to take me back and return me to Newsham. Scott and Vi knew the reason for my visit but I had asked them to keep quiet. I was maybe an hour in Kirkham, I had.
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