“Of course,” I said, standing up, “let me grab another chair.”Clumsily I got up and grabbed one that was leaning against the wall and opened it up. I put it down next to mine and stepped aside. She smiled and walked over.“That’s very kind of you,” she said, taking her seat.“Would you like a drink?” I asked, suddenly remembering my manners, “tea? … coffee?”She looked at the wine glass on the paving next to my chair and smiled. “One of those will do nicely.”“I’ll be right back,” I said breezily.I walked into the kitchen and fumbled around looking for a clean wine glass. Something told me that grubby finger marks would not do. I couldn’t work out quite why I was feeling this way, but the woman had an undeniable air of being in control despite having intruded into my space. I opened a new bottle of wine, one of my more extravagant purchases made in a moment of madness. I had the sense that she could taste cheapness. I went back out and filled both our glasses and then sat down. I could. But when the quest for power takesover your whole life, and turns you into a whole different person, wellthat's the thing we're powerless against. Kind of ironic, huh? When we'rein the game, we're so busy controlling others we can't even see thatsomething is controlling us. Except when every once in a while, right inthe middle of thinking we have what we always wanted---this godlike senseof power over the life of another, or in my case many others---thethought will pop up 'This isn't right. This isn't who I am...' And it'sso far from the image we have of ourselves, it almost sounds like anotherperson. Some uninvited party crasher in our head. So what do we do whendoubt starts to gnaw at us?" MORE POWER, SCOTTY!"shouted a half dozen people. Apparently it was acatch phrase of theirs."Exactly! We crank the game up another notch. The cruelty, the demands,shifting the rules around. Squashing that little voice in our head, likeslapping a mosquito. It lets us feel in control again. For a.
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