“Are you okay my darling?” gushed my aunt as she moved to embrace Sara. “Yes, we’re okay mum,” came Sara’s reply. “What’s been going on here?” Cecile chipped in with a somewhat calmer voice. Lucy opened her mouth as if to speak, but before she had chance to utter a word Sara piped-up, “He kept asking us to pull our knickers down for him and then he got his thing out and asked if we would touch it.” “What!" I cried. I couldn’t believe the lies pouring from Sara’s mouth. “We all ran upstairs when he started playing with it,” Sara continued. “He’ll never play with it again when I’m finished with him”, my aunt screamed with a pitch that continued to rise. She thundered towards me, while Cecile ushered my three tormentors back upstairs. Grabbing at my arm, aunt Susan pulled me to my feet, before thrusting me backwards onto the sofa. As I fell back I closed my eyes in anticipation of a rain of blows, but all that came was Cecile’s soothing, assertive voice, “Susan, calm down.” I. ”Later, as he counted the money he found 2O five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read “Forever hold your peace, I’ll have that other three dollars before sundown.”I once found a throw rug in a catch basin.I bought a dog the other day ... I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him...”Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.-- Steven WrightWhen will all the rhetorical questions end?We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don’t we have inchage?Bumper Sticker:If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.The other day, I was walking my dog around my building ... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.-- Steven WrightStudies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.What’s dumb? Directions on toilet paper.What’s dumber than that? Reading them.Even dumber? Reading them and learning something.Dumbest of all? Reading them and having to.
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